


Straight Ahead

by orphan_account



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: M/M, i'm happy season four ended the way it did but there are consequences, listen to bleach by brockhampton, the brokeback mountain monologue was butchered in this, there is a mention of weed, yugioh DMX is canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24858865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There were dozens more letters and, God, when did Jesse have the time to learn so many complex characters and how to write them better than him? The fact that there were seventeen birthday letters just sitting in his bag, unopened, tempted him every second of his life.
Relationships: Johan Andersen | Jesse Anderson/Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Straight Ahead

Jaden didn’t know why he let the song play. It was rap, but it didn’t have the intensity of DMX that he liked. Maybe it was the smoothness which reminded him of Kanye that kept his interest. The only real reason why he continued to listen and absorb every bar was because of who made the recommendation.

Jesse gave him a series of letters to open at certain dates while he traveled the world, and Jaden Yuki was a duelist of honor. This letter, scheduled for a year after the last time they met, still had its paper’s texture altered by a long-gone wetness, the bumps in the letter reminiscent of dried tear stains. There were dozens more letters and, God, when did Jesse have the time to learn so many complex characters and how to write them better than him? The fact that there were seventeen birthday letters just sitting in his bag, unopened, tempted him every second of his life.

This letter for one year was sweet, wishing him the best and for postcards and reminding Jaden that his address wouldn’t change. Jesse put his address on each envelope like the only reason he lived there anymore was to get mail from Jaden. Nothing was sent to that address. Jaden couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even ring up Cyrus on a payphone. Everything he’s done was a firm reality pressing itself down on his shoulders, and no fleeting feelings of lust or belonging could change that he’s hurt everyone around him. Straight forward was the only direction he could go. The most he could do was read each letter and follow every other request. Listen to a song the whole way through and don’t read the writing on the back of the page until he did so? Fair enough.

_I FORGOT MY PASSPORT FOR SURE ALL FOR A PRETTY SKY_

And now he knew why Jesse would recommend him such an odd song. The line was repeated four times, Jaden’s eyes welling up with each repetition drilling the point into his skull. Those final days of stargazing on campus with a blunt and the prettiest boy he’d ever seen were gone because he wanted to see more than just the sky. He needed more than rainbows and extraterrestrials shining above him. He couldn’t be faulted for this one small thing over everything else, for wanting to not hurt anyone and see the world and maybe a reflection that doesn’t give him the urge to punch the mirror. Syrus’ voice came back to him, telling him that he was selfish and got his friends killed for someone he abandoned after getting back.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, then the final line played, and the song ended abruptly with the sound effect of making a tape reverse. He’d pirate it onto his obsolete music device once he hit a library. Quickly, Jaden read the rest of the letter like it directed him to. The text on the back was in scrawled English, completely different from the careful Japanese characters on the front. Then again, every transfer student went back to their native language at some point during their stay (Jim more than everyone else. Nobody had a fucking clue what he was saying half the time). Stupid duelist’s honor left him unprepared for all of this—no, duelist’s pride kept him from letting Jesse come with him.

‘I found this song and it reminded me of us and all the crazy shit we went through when your voice was cracking and mine had yet to drop. Probably still hasn’t. My friendship with you hopefully hasn’t changed. ~~but I can’t be sure when having to write instead of talk to you. Tell you what, we could’ve had a good life together, but you didn’t want it. So, what we got now is Duel Academy. Everything is built on that. That’s all we got. I hope you know that, even if you don’t never know the rest. You are too much for me Jaden, you son of a whoreson bitch.~~ I could’ve gone with you. I know you had to do this alone, but know that we all miss you. Nothing that happened was your fault. I love you. Be safe! Can’t wait to hear from you!!!’

His signature was in English, beautiful and curled, with doodles of Crystal Beasts and Neo-Spacians in the remaining blank space. Jaden let out a shaky breath before folding the letter back into its envelope and then into his bag.

“That bastard,” the Osiris mumbled to himself, “crossing out Brokeback Mountain quotes and not rewriting the letter.” He guessed that the other boy wanted to be honest, in that innocent way of using movie quotes and music to say what he couldn’t bear to put words to. Beating around the bush to what, tempt Jaden to see him immediately? Had Jesse really known that early on that Jaden wouldn’t stop for anyone? Everyone did say they were the same person.

Seeing the doubt in words hurt more than when it would be in his eyes—there was no way to kiss the bad away. He could always write back, but it was too much. He (inadvertently) forced Jesse’s lips to finally confess love, but the mind who spoke it wasn’t him. This theft of agency hit Jaden hard, since he wanted their first declarations to be special. He never blamed Yubel—could never blame Yubel—as they loved him just as much as he loved them. He loved Jesse like a cherished memory dressed in saudade, though he could fix it at any time. All he had to do was visit someone, visit the place where he’ll always be. Chazz sent him the message two months ago before he blocked his number. The message that Jesse wouldn’t be going anywhere now, and it was fucking pathetic that Jaden didn’t even show up to the guy’s funeral when everyone knew he was an orphan and an outcast and one of the kindest, brilliant people to have lived.

Shit, things couldn’t go on like this.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my Docs for months. Can't keep picking a story apart to its bones nahmean?


End file.
